A few times a year, I get an embarrasing craving.
I shouldn’t think something like this is tasty.
I should turn my nose up at it and scold the can “You call yourself ravioli?!”
Chef Boyardee Beef Ravioli.
When I’m able to scrape together 99 cents and happen to wake up before the normal populace (can’t plop that can down on the conveyer belt with other humans around) I make a run for the border (of Italy) with this authentic dish.
What makes me giggle is the promise of “A Full Serving of Vegetables!”
RANDOM OBSERVATION ALERT:
I recently stopped to think about all the times I make an active effort to avoid human contact at the office.
Which brings me to Office Hallway Rules 101.
#1. If you are walking down the hall and pass by someone you like, you look at them and smile and
perhaps utter a verbal greeting.
If you’ve already said hi to this person within the space of an hour or so, you have permission to look down and avoid
any eye contact all together. This isn’t Groundhog’s Day, no need to keep repeating yourself.
#2. If you are walking down the hall to pick up something you printed and see someone you DON’T like
coming at you, you have a few options.
You either make a smooth transition into the nearest cubicle containing a less annoying coworker.
Best to always keep an important looking paper with you at all times so you can drop it off at
someone’s desk accompanied by the words “Please let me know about that.”
When the person you don’t like has passed, you can safely resume your journey to the printer where
someone has inevitably stolen or tossed your personal printout from eBay or Travelocity in the trash.
#3. If you are on the way to the bathroom and someone of the same sex is in front of you and keeps
looking back, that means a big poo is in their future and they don’t want company.
This is when you pretend you were just going to the medicine cabinet to get some antacids. Then you
actually eat the antacids because they’re kind of tasty in a chalky way and the extra calcium can’t hurt.
You take one more packet when you realize you’re out of change and this will be your vending machine
#4. If YOU are the one being followed to the bathroom and you’d prefer a solo performance, the best
bet is to stall by the fridge (which is conveniently placed outside the bathroom door) and pretend you
were grabbing a snack from your lunch bag.
This gives you the opportunity to make sure you are not followed into the restroom. If the coast is clear
and he ended up walking down the hallway, you may enter the restroom unharmed.
If he darts past you into the restroom, you’ve saved yourself from communal pooping but must now hang around someone
who sits near the bathroom and listen for the offending individual to eventually exit the restroom.
Pray he only needs to pee.
If he ends up at your fridge as well, you’d better hope you’ve got some food in there or mutter under
your breath “Shoot, must have been in the other fridge”
Pray there is another fridge.