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THREE MINOR THINGS I HATE:

1.

Wait until you have a writing utencil before you give the go ahead to someone to tell you their phone number.

Here’s my convo with a vendor just last week.

“Are you ready?” – Bun Boy

“Yes, go ahead” – Annoying Man

“310…282…” – BB

“Wait, let me get a pen.” – AM

(INTERNAL SIGH)

“Are you ready now?”

“Yes”

“310….282…”

“Wait….310…?….”

“282….” !!!!!

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2.

I hate it when people are oblivious to their surroundings and how their actions affect others.

I was going for a walk and two people were blocking the sidewalk with their dogs and prospective leashes. I remember the woman reminding me of a cranky Karen Carpenter.

I began to realize they had no intention of moving out of my way. I noticed a large assortment of animal feces in the narrow section of gravel that is my only option for escape.

To show my disdain for their blatant disregard of the importance of keeping my shoe soles poop free, I leap high into the air (exaggerating my every motion) narrowly avoiding the fecal cemetary.

That’ll teach ‘em, I thought as I made sure I landed really hard, displacing obnoxious portions of innocent gravel.

They didn’t even see me.

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3.

I hate public restrooms. I have a lot to say on the matter, but let’s just focus on one very insignificant, mildly creepy event I would much rather avoid.

Sharing another persons butt warmth.

As a woman, you deal with this all the time. You do not know the joy that is the urinal, and the ability to experience a public restroom unscathed. You have to touch more stuff.

Sitting down on a warm toilet, knowing another man has just committed unspeakable acts there…well, it gives me the heebies. Like finding a pool of blood left over from a crime scene. Too soon!

JOHNNIES

Good, not amazing pizza. Great garlic knots!