This past weekend, I flew up to Seattle to see the family and celebrate an early Easter. I’m not sure why I didn’t just wait a week and go during the actual holiday. Just trying to be difficult, I guess.
I purchased the most sad excuse for a meatloaf sandwich at the airport (the most blindingly white bread you ever did see and the thinest sliver of loaf, I was basically eating a mayonnaise sammie)
I had two duties this weekend: Make the scalloped potatoes and dessert and dress up as the Easter Bunny for my niece.
The scalloped pots turned out heavenly, I chopped up 1001 jalapenos and threw in some bacon for lean protein. They became a new family tradition.
We rented the costume from the most casually dressed cashier. The term “rolled out of bed” might be too dressy, I was startled when two birds darted out of the girl’s nest of hair and I think her feet had melded into her ancient flip flops.
When my sis, bro-in-law and niece and nephew arrived at my parents house, I flew up the stairs to throw on the styfling, skanky costume!
I knew I was contracting a fatal skin disease from the never-cleaned bunny mask as I raced down the stairs (avoiding piles of fresh cat vomit) to sneak out the back door.
We wanted my niece to see the Easter bunny hiding the eggs, so I was doing just that. As she and my mother picked flowers from the garden, I kept hoping around the corner and then back again.
“Don’t be scared bunny, you can come out” she pleaded.
Eventually, I made my grand entrance, posed for the obligatory blackmail shots and hopped away. (Well, I didn’t really hop, just ran like a crazy person)
Sorry, I was just distracted by the raucous musical stylings of the Muzak version of Dionne Warwick on the digital music station on TV. Yes, for those of you who found Dionne’s music too noisy, too edgy; finally a station that can be safely played in a cemetery without disturbing its residents.
My dad LOVES this station!!
My grandparents were humorous as usual. My British grandmother and Southern Grandfather:
“The things we got talking to us, nowadays” – GRANDPA, staring at a children’s TV show.
We look up to see a beige, pathetic, turd-like lump speaking to an overly excited human.
My grandmother, a stickler for manners:
“Don’t worry, I only saw part of it, not all of it” – GRANDMA
“What?” – BUN BOY
“The food in your mouth!” – GRANDMA
Grandma always like to turn up the dramatics.
“Ooh, I like your watch!” – MOM
“Oh yes, well it will be yours soon” – GRANDMA
“I always speak out against injustice, always. Of course, nowdays, I’d just get me head blown off!” – GRANDMA
“And they’ve got higher caliber weapons, dear” – GRANDPA
(Overhead from the kitchen)
“Is that all we’re eating, Bob?” – GRANDMA
“There’s salad in the freezer” – GRANDPA
“Well, if the salad’s in the freezer, then we’re not eating it” – GRANDMA
After the incredible dinner (thanks for the incredible ham, Mom!) we spent the rest of the evening playing with the kids. I kept giving my 1 y/o nephew drinks of sparkling water, and after each sip, his face would contort as if I had just fed him hydrochloric acid!
Yet, he kept begging for more acid!