Let’s face it. People talking about their vacations is boring. Especially if it’s a case of “Well, we packed up the kids and headed to Disneyland. Now, let me tell you, those lines were outta control…”

BORING. I understand. Unless someone is going somewhere interesting. So, I apologize. Hawaii is not interesting. It’s beautiful. Just not unusual in the slightest. Everyone has either been here or wants to come here. It’s like Disneyland for adults. A tropical island theme park where everyone chats about which beaches are best for snorkling and which restaurant has the best Mai Tai’s.

Now that my rant is over, here’s what I did today. Cuz you care. Deeply.

We picked up a hilarious old college roommate of Thelma’s at her hotel and headed to Tunnels Beach for some snorkling (where a woman got her arm ripped off by a shark a while back).

We stopped for lunch at CJ’s in Princeville. I had a Beefeater sandwich (pictured above). Very good, I was only able to finish half. The other half, I kept in a container, grossing out my friends as I popped it open at random times while we were laying on the beach.

CJ’s is like many restaurants here, super casual, good food, $9-$13 range for entrees. Nothing special to mention. Just decent food and incredible french fries.

One of us ordered the Ono fish, and you can just guess the “hilarity” that ensued as the constant puns kept coming out like chocolates on a conveyor belt! (a la “I Love Lucy”).

On our way to the beach, we encountered an infamous “Makau” shower which quickly dissipated. “You guys, we’ve really been blessed with the weather so far” Louise would utter repeatedly. We chided her for jinxing our perfect weather up until now.

While snorkling, we encountered a sea turtle, which we swam with a bit. Until it began luring us out into shark territory. Positive it was a trap, we turned around, saving our very lives. :)

After our beach day, we were in desperate need for coconut water. Desperate, I tell you. Everywhere seemed closed due to the rain that had just started again.

Suddenly we see a Coconut sign! Score! We stopped in front of somebody’s house where the owners were basically plucking what produce grew in their yards and selling it to unsuspecting tourists for escalated prices.

We sucked back our coconut water like it was mother’s milk. We had the old man chop it up afterwards so we could eat the semi-flavorless flesh. While his possibly deceased mother retrieved a bag for us to put the shavings in. Her walk to the bag 5 feet away, seemed like watching a time lapse video of food rotting.

For dinner, we had made reservations at The Beach House. The nicest restaurant on the island, and renowned for having the best view of the sunset. We had a drink in the bar (my final Mai Tai) while we talked with the folks we had met for drinks a few nights back.

One of them had a cast on, she had broken her wrist. When we asked how, she sheepishly explained that she was posing for a picture by a sign, slipped into a small hole and fell into the bushes!! When I enquired if the sign said anything worthy of injury, she shouted “It was just the sign for the hotel we’re staying at!”

At dinner, we ordered a few apps. The Watermelon Salad and the Thai Beef Bundles.

The wasabi crusted Opa fish in a Lilikoi sauce was almost the best fish I’ve ever had. And since my memory is shot, let’s just say it WAS the best. Opa is just a basic, light Hawaiian white fish. And that slightly hot wasabi breading was incredible. And it was almost too much fish to finish. But my lard ass managed.

Then we ordered a few deserts, including the Hawaiian Carrot Cake with macadamia nuts! Looked great, tasted just ok.

After our meal, which everyone just raved about, we sat outside on the restaurant’s front lawn, watched shooting stars and the crashing surf and thoroughly enjoyed our last night in Kauai.

Asleep yet?

www.the-beach-house.com